...so i touched it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
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