God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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