And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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