im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Mom said you looked used
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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