the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
