yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
