But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
They are going to name an STD after you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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