The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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