just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
it glows. i had to have it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
