She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize