Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
BRING THE BAGELS
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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