So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Randomize
