the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
