sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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