Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I lost the right to judge tonight
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize