I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
3 2 1 whiskey
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
