i don't plan on having that self control this summer
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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