I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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