is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
