She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize