Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize