Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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