Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
