i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
