Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
