You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
