I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So. Much. Porn.
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