Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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