Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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