So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
