he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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