if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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