New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
