How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
