I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
