Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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