Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize