well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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