if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
