so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
