Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
