Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
