I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
