I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
