party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
