It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
