is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
