im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize