It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
