I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
