This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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