The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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