How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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