So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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