I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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