This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize