my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
