The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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