Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
