that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
