jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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