It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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