You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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