Can i not drive my cunt home
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
