Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
