Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
